Columbus Day

1995
Hi my name is Cristopher Columbus I am fine I want to tell you about my jorneys but I can't but I will tell you one it is long. Once I went to Hawwi and I found a tiger


...And that is why there are no more tigers in Hawaii.

Seriously, though, today is Columbus Day in the good ol' U.S. of A.

What the average American might remember about Christopher Columbus:

• In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
• He had 3 ships: The Niña, The Pinta, and the Santa Maria. (Bonus points if they actually remember the names of the ships.)
• He was homies with Isabella and Ferdinand, rulers of Spain.
• He wanted to sail West to find a shortcut East. People thought he'd fall off the edge of the earth, but he was all "Chill, suckas, I got this."
• He... he was Portuguese, right?
• He is credited as the discoverer of "The New World."

Of course, this cannot be all the facts. I've heard that Columbus was kind of a jerk, and I'm prepared to believe it! How many times do we hear about history's great heroes that were actually not that great? A lot, that's how many. I'm sure that a quick Google search would be more than enough to find some dirt on Mr. Columbus, so I'll leave that research for you to do. How can I expect you to learn how to do anything if I always do it for you?

I would very much like to see Kate Beaton's take on Christopher Columbus. I am almost positive that she can shed some amusing light on the character of this particular historical icon. (Also, if you don't read her comic, you should start! It is history made hilarious.)

In closing, I want to say that yes, Columbus came here and all, but maybe he isn't actually all that and a bag of potato chips. Also, Amerigo Vespucci's where it's at.